It's Up For Grabs Now
Sunday, November 30, 2003
The Pope is a Liverpool fan - if you have a connected joke about infallibility, please keep it to yourself. Maybe next time he's down Anfield he could say hello to Dr Dre
Friday, November 28, 2003
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
We're not saying Wilkinson Sword have had their advertising budget figures come in and they're not looking as well as expected but... Neil Ruddock? The idea is even someone like him can attract the ladies, although the wedding ring on his finger is another issue
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
A chant laureate? £10K a year to "compose chants observing key moments within the season", like a high class version of that bloke who comes up with songs for every Man Utd player? Have we all gone mad, football world?
Sunday, November 23, 2003
Sorry we've not been updating in the last few days. As an apology, here's a range of kettles and toasters that do celebrity impressions.
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Friday, November 14, 2003
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Manchester City unveil the Bell En...Stand, as well as a sculpture apparently called B Of The Bang - in one of Britain's worst areas for gun crime
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
We stumbled recently over the single silliest thing we've ever heard about a footballer, the man in question being Everton's Scot Gemmill. Scot being short for... Scotland. Archie Gemmill called his son Scotland. Doesn't look so sharp now, does he?
At least Reading fans don't have chips on their shoulders or anything - is Football Fans Against Carlton still going?
Albion Rovers' manager takes the Joe Royle approach to female officialdom Isn't Morag Pirie the most Scottish name ever?
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Saturday, November 08, 2003
Two players from the same Brazilian club sent off for fighting each other - something for Peter Reid and Mark Viduka to think about
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Just to check, we stuck a load of randomly chosen text from this week's Armchair Football through the Gender Genie, a program which detects from your writing style whether the writer is male or female. The results:
Female Score: 1491
Male Score: 2796
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!
Well, that was a relief. Sometimes, round about writing Dream Team entries, we begin to wonder ourselves.
Nice to see the FA haven't been wasting their energies at this most fraught time in the domestic game, as they announce their female celebrity dream team. Note Kate Lawler and Alesha from Mis-Teeq edging out professionally trained (for a film, but even so) Keira Knightley and Parminder Nagra. How does Lawler, or Sara Cox, being nominated work with the selection process of "how the skills the women draw on in their chosen professions might translate onto the football pitch"? Being rotten at communication and general airheadedness often required in midfield, is it?
Manchester City claim FA drug testers made Christian Negouai break his religious beliefs You can write the joke yourselves by now, surely
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
That sound you can hear is Perugia's self-appointed edifice crumbling, as Hanna Ljungberg suggests she won't take up their offer of a contract and then Colonel Gadaffi's son tests positive for nandrolone. "It was suggested that we stop playing for one or two weeks to think things over and fully understand the problems we are faced with" says their captain, possibly knowing in his heart of hearts that 'the problems' are the chairman and his directors
Monday, November 03, 2003
Millwall chairman calls Crystal Palace 'The Beagles', labels ground 'Smellhurst Park', threatens to poo on their doorstep, unveils sign reading 'PALACE ARE GAY' (latter two left out of the write-up)
Sunday, November 02, 2003
The AFC Wimbledon/rap crossover continues : Fatman Scoop gives it some. Warning : also contains Goodier