The Pope is a Liverpool fan - if you have a connected joke about infallibility, please keep it to yourself. Maybe next time he's down Anfield he could say hello to Dr Dre
- posted by Simon @

 
Stefan Effenberg - still a charmer in his footballing dotage
- posted by Simon @

 
No, we definitely think Flash technology has gone too far now
- posted by Simon @

 
We're not saying Wilkinson Sword have had their advertising budget figures come in and they're not looking as well as expected but... Neil Ruddock? The idea is even someone like him can attract the ladies, although the wedding ring on his finger is another issue
- posted by Simon @

 
A chant laureate? £10K a year to "compose chants observing key moments within the season", like a high class version of that bloke who comes up with songs for every Man Utd player? Have we all gone mad, football world?
- posted by Simon @

 
Sorry we've not been updating in the last few days. As an apology, here's a range of kettles and toasters that do celebrity impressions.
- posted by Simon @

 
Tomas Radzinski is clearly a better individual player than any of us had suspected
- posted by Simon @

 
We thought ITV were supposed to be impartial?
- posted by Simon @

 
Manchester City unveil the Bell En...Stand, as well as a sculpture apparently called B Of The Bang - in one of Britain's worst areas for gun crime
- posted by Simon @

 
We stumbled recently over the single silliest thing we've ever heard about a footballer, the man in question being Everton's Scot Gemmill. Scot being short for... Scotland. Archie Gemmill called his son Scotland. Doesn't look so sharp now, does he?
- posted by Simon @

 
At least Reading fans don't have chips on their shoulders or anything - is Football Fans Against Carlton still going?
- posted by Simon @

 
Albion Rovers' manager takes the Joe Royle approach to female officialdom Isn't Morag Pirie the most Scottish name ever?
- posted by Simon @

 
A Christmas present for the Leeds fan in your life
- posted by Simon @

 
Two players from the same Brazilian club sent off for fighting each other - something for Peter Reid and Mark Viduka to think about
- posted by Simon @

 
Just to check, we stuck a load of randomly chosen text from this week's Armchair Football through the Gender Genie, a program which detects from your writing style whether the writer is male or female. The results:

Female Score: 1491
Male Score: 2796

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Well, that was a relief. Sometimes, round about writing Dream Team entries, we begin to wonder ourselves.
- posted by Simon @

 
Nice to see the FA haven't been wasting their energies at this most fraught time in the domestic game, as they announce their female celebrity dream team. Note Kate Lawler and Alesha from Mis-Teeq edging out professionally trained (for a film, but even so) Keira Knightley and Parminder Nagra. How does Lawler, or Sara Cox, being nominated work with the selection process of "how the skills the women draw on in their chosen professions might translate onto the football pitch"? Being rotten at communication and general airheadedness often required in midfield, is it?
- posted by Simon @

 
Manchester City claim FA drug testers made Christian Negouai break his religious beliefs You can write the joke yourselves by now, surely
- posted by Simon @

 
That sound you can hear is Perugia's self-appointed edifice crumbling, as Hanna Ljungberg suggests she won't take up their offer of a contract and then Colonel Gadaffi's son tests positive for nandrolone. "It was suggested that we stop playing for one or two weeks to think things over and fully understand the problems we are faced with" says their captain, possibly knowing in his heart of hearts that 'the problems' are the chairman and his directors
- posted by Simon @

 
Millwall chairman calls Crystal Palace 'The Beagles', labels ground 'Smellhurst Park', threatens to poo on their doorstep, unveils sign reading 'PALACE ARE GAY' (latter two left out of the write-up)
- posted by Simon @

 
The AFC Wimbledon/rap crossover continues : Fatman Scoop gives it some. Warning : also contains Goodier
- posted by Simon @